entoxicating asked: i wish you were more active on here *sobs*
Sorry! I will be after exams omg I promise
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“As she wiped her tears with the back of her hand, she looked up. Staring at the white ceiling on that cold autumn night, suddenly everything became crystal clear: her mind materialised all her monsters, right before her shining eyes.
She was in a nightmare, no longer living. Her existence continued by inertia, whilst she was destroying herself. She was dead inside, her exoskeleton was still intact, but she was deteriorating day by day. She knew she could, probably should have reacted, changed things, but she also knew she didn’t want to. All she wanted was the never-ending pain she was able to induce on her body and her mind. She wanted to fall asleep, and never wake up again. Sleep was the only moment when she felt comfortable with her being, but insomnia had subsided long ago, making her nights interminably long and lonely.
The shiny red droplets on her wrist caught her attention. ‘How beautiful’, she thought. ‘It is such a shame that not even the most brilliant people can understand the beauty of pain’. She stood lonely, shaping her masterpiece minute by minute: self-destruction. She was good at it, great even. She felt hungry, hungry for life and hungry for love; but emptiness could satiate that void just as well.
The monsters were whispering, slicing through her thoughts. She caressed her scars gently, slowly. Exploring each and every one of them. And then she shut her eyes, letting the darkness of her mind flow before her. ‘One day, it will all be over’, she whispered to herself. The room began spinning quickly around her, evaporating a little more at every turn. She slowly entered the world of nothings and nobodies she had longed for, and let herself go completely. Her chest lightened, her back straightened, the droplets of blood stopped falling. Time stopped.
Rain began tip-toeing on her window class. And in that precise moment, she realised she had the answer: existence didn’t matter, merely because we were all ghosts already. She opened her eyes again, abruptly. Closed them gently.
That was the last time she ever saw the world.”
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